In the process of healing yourself you may heal someone who didn’t think they would ever find healing. It won’t be an easy journey, but you owe it to yourself to live the life you were born to live. Healing comes in different forms. It may be a conversation with your parents, if you still have them, to get clarity. It may be taking a break to replenish your mind and spirit. It may be self-forgiveness so you can get rid of that heavy burden you’ve carried on your heart for so long. It may be creating closure for losses that left doors unshut with unanswered questions.
Sam, a sixty-three-year-old client told me he hadn’t spoken to his son for over ten years. He said he didn’t deserve forgiveness because he felt like he had abandoned his son. He blamed himself for not having a relationship with him, because he didn’t know how to fight for his children when he and his wife got divorced. For years he beat himself up for not putting up a bigger fight to have shared custody of his two children. Although his daughter forgave him and understood why it wasn’t healthy for his parents to stay together, the guilt and remorse of not being part of their lives destroyed him emotionally and spiritually. When he found out he was diagnosed with brain cancer, he convinced himself that he deserved to have cancer to pay for his mistakes of not being a good father. When his daughter informed her brother of their father’s diagnosis, the son agreed to see him.
As difficult as it may have been for him and his son to have a conversation and find healing, they extended grace to one another and forgave. Sam ended up beating cancer and he and his son now have a great relationship. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to create healing: sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to realize that life is not worth all the fights, pain and hurts. The truth is, until you understand your purpose, learn to be healed and become emotionally, spiritually and psychologically well-rounded, you can’t create wholesome relationships.
A friend told me how frightened she was by the idea of allowing herself to be vulnerable in her relationships. I understood why she felt afraid of giving another person so much power over her, because the way most of us love one another is painful. Loving someone is scary when it’s unhealthy, but it can also be beautiful when it is. I don’t think we often understand what it means to be responsible for another person’s love, soul, heart and body when they choose to share them with us. So, I learned loving others is not about giving your gift to someone else, it’s about sharing it.
